UKULELE COMPETITION IS NOW CLOSED - KEEP CHECKING THIS SITE FOR MORE COMPETITIONS SOON!
Hi folks, as promised in my review of the Volcapo ukulele capo, I promised that I would run a free to enter competition in which you can win one.
I have the Soprano/Concert version of the Volcapo up for grabs. It's a neat little device that has only just been released and I think it suits the uke very well. These are handmade in California.
To enter, follow this blog (on the right, so I can contact you if you are the winner) and post a comment below telling me a silly short joke! Jokes must be clean and inoffensive, and the one that makes me laugh the most will win the competition! A joke that incorporates the ukulele will certainly be welcomed!!
To follow the blog, scroll down the right hand side and click the follow button in the box called "my ukulele followers". You just need to register with google.
To follow the blog, scroll down the right hand side and click the follow button in the box called "my ukulele followers". You just need to register with google.
If you struggle to follow the blog (some folks did in the last comp) you need to ensure I can contact you for your prize. If I can't contact the winner, a second place will be drawn (see the rules below)
Thanks to the guys at Sutherland Trading for providing the prize.
1. Competition starts on 2 February 2011 10.00am GMT and ends at 5.00pm GMT on 5 March 2011
2. To be eligible for the prize draw, you must be a follower of this blog and have posted a your favourite joke in the comments section of this blog post
3. I reserve the right to reject jokes that I deem in any way offensive ( I have some younger readers!) My decision on this is final.
4. On draw day, I will choose my favourite response from those posted. Only those comments that I have published will be eligible for the competition. My decision on the winner is final and no correspondence will be entered into.
5. The winner will be announced within 7 days of the draw day, and will be contacted via the Google follow system on this blog (check your emails)
6. Winner will need to provide valid postal address for the item to be posted
7. In the event the winner does not respond to the request for address within 14 days, I will pick my second favourite and award the prize to that person.
8. No responsibility is held for failure with the postal service, and no replacement will be offered. This prize has no alternative cash value.
9. Item will be posted standard post within 14 days of confirmation of winners address, depending on where you are you may need to sign for it.
10. No purchase necessary
11. posting a comment is not proof that I have received your entry. No responsibility can be accepted for entries that are lost or delayed, or which are not received for any reason
12. The prize in not transferable to another person
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
ReplyDeleteA: Because 7 had a gun!
Thanks for the contest!
Two old men in a barber shop... Little boy enters, Old man number 1 says "I'll show you how stupid this kid is"
ReplyDeleteOld man #1 pulls two quarters out of his pocket and in the other hand a dollar bill. He says to the kid, "Which would you rather have?" The kid takes the two quarters and runs away.
Later old man number two is done with haircut He sees the little boy coming out of the ice cream shop with an ice cream cone and asks him "Why do you always take the two quarters?" The boy responds "As soon as I take the dollar bill, the game is over!!!"
SUNDAY CLOTHES
ReplyDeleteA little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hello,' said the little boy
'Hi,' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,'
Answered the little girl.
'I'm also on my way home from church.
Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.
'I go to the Baptist church back down the road,' replied the little girl.
'What about you? '
'I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill,'
Replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way
So they decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,' said the little girl.
'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,'
Replied the little boy.
'I tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull
Off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'
'That's a good idea,'replied the little boy.
'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked:
'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a
BAPTIST and a METHODIST!!!
How do you protect your valuable ukulele? - Hide it in an accordion case.
ReplyDelete-phildbunn@gmail.com
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
ReplyDeletehomeless
Knock knock!
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Eskimo!
Eskimo who?
Eskimo questions - he'll tell you no lies!
knock knock
ReplyDeletewho's there?
"Litle Old Lady"
Little Old Lady Who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
I bet I can make you yodle:
ReplyDelete"Knock, knock"
[Who's there]
"Ukulele"
[Ukulele who?]
I just made you yodle!
(ukulele who; yodlelayheehoo)
What's the difference between a guy with a pizza and a ukulele player?
ReplyDeleteThe guy with a pizza can feed a family of four.
Loving these! will not be impartial but there are some great ones above - keep them silly, keep them coming!
ReplyDeleteThe uke is the happy instrument, so lets be silly and be happy!
So, did you hear about the guy who walked into a bar carrying his ukulele?
ReplyDeleteNeither did I, it's pretty silly to think that a bar can carry a ukulele!
I dont know if it worked or not...but it cracked me up(:
ReplyDeleteThree guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Q: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
ReplyDeleteA: Who cares! Neither one is a ukulele.
Q. What is hairy and coughs?
ReplyDeleteA. A coconut with a cold!
guy runs into a bar...
ReplyDelete"ouch"
fish swims into a wall..
dam.
best I can do, it's hard to remember jokes that are PC. sigh
Found this gem on uu:
ReplyDeleteA ukulele player suddenly realizes he left his vintage ukulele out in his car over night. He rushes outside and his heart drops when he sees that his car window is broken. Fearing the worst, he peeks through the window and finds that there are now five ukuleles in his car.
Two women are in a music store. The first woman is looking at the ukulele the second woman is holding. The second woman notices and says, "I got this for my husband." First woman nods in appreciation and says, "good trade."
ReplyDeleteGreat contest - here's my entry, actually it's not a joke, but a real story, but nevertheless funny, I think:
ReplyDeleteI've got a little nephew (5years old) and when he first visited me, after I got my uke, he stood in front of it, staring at it several minutes and you could see that there was hard work going on in his little brain...
Then he turned around, facing me, and was (totally embarrassed)asking me: "Did you wash that guitar too hot ??? - Has it shrunken ???"
Hope, you enjoyed my little story...
B_L
A woman walks down the street at a Big International Ukulele Festival with a beautiful ukulele tucked under her arm. It is a great festival with stellar performers, unbelievable workshops, fabulous jamming, warm and friendly people (well they are ukesters, right!) and some terrific vendors and ukulele makers.
ReplyDeleteA second woman goes up to the first woman and says “my word, that’s a super ukulele you have there, what wonderful gleaming koa wood, what gorgeous abalone binding.”
The first woman glows with pride, knowing she has done the right thing, yes,” she says, “I got it for my husband.”
“Well done,” says the second woman, “you got a really good trade there.”
Why are ukulele players always studying maps?
ReplyDeleteThey are looking for quick getaways!
Little boy to his mother: "Mom, when I grow up I wanna be a ukulele player."
ReplyDeleteMother: I'm sorry Son, it's one or the other.
Two atoms walk into a bar -one checks his pockets, and says "I think I've lost an electron!"
ReplyDeleteThe other says, "Are you sure?"
And the first replies, "Yup - I'm positive".
A nun, an irishman a horse and a ukulele all walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? Some kind of joke!?"
ReplyDeleteQ. What's grey and can't climb trees?
ReplyDeleteA. A car park.
(Sorry... blame the Radio Times where I stole it from!)
what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
ReplyDelete'ell if I know (Eleiph-ino)
I'm a guitarist and very recent uke player on the forums. So here goes...
ReplyDeleteHow many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots??
ReplyDeleteWell,
A. Bunny farts of course, tee hee hee.
What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?
ReplyDeleteA demented chord.
A flapper walked into a music shop and asked to see some ukuleles. The clerk showed her a few and she couldn’t decide between a Martin and a Gibson. She seemed to like the Gibson, the clerk thought, so thinking to help her he said: ‘Better take the Gibson, Miss, You can’t go wrong with a Gibson ukulele.’ Quick as a flash, the young lady replied: ‘Gimme the Martin, then.’
ReplyDeleteHow many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
ReplyDeleteOne - he just grabs the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
How many rhythm guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
ReplyDeleteTwelve. One the actually change the bulb, and eleven to say "Hey! Waitaminute! Show me how you did that!"
How many banjo uke players does it take to change a lightbulb?
ReplyDelete3 -- one to research how George Formby would've done it, one to do it and one to make a YouTube tutorial.